How to Make Yourself a Priority

SELF CARE TIPS

How to Make Yourself a Priority,
​(especially when you're busy)!

By: Chat Mills

Recently on a trip to Boothbay Harbor, Maine I found myself poolside completely and totally alone. My husband is a musician and had the opportunity to play two shows in a cover band last month. 

Since our boys are too young to be in a bar we decided we’d make it a weekend getaway. We secured childcare and off we went. 

We got to the inn we were staying at, we checked in with our children, and then Alex was off to a rehearsal and I was off to the pool, which I had entirely to myself.

I’ve never had an entire pool to myself. 

The conditions were perfect - sunny, 80 degrees, not a cloud in sight. What a major blessing! I had a phone conversation with a friend that didn’t get interrupted. I sunned myself without being splashed. I swam in the pool (which, if I didn’t mention, I had to myself) and took respite from the hot sun. I sat on the lounge chair and took a deep breath. 

Then it set in. The guilt. 

Those steps are the perfect size for Finn to get into the water. 
Liam would love that it was deep enough to jump in.

I felt as though I was leaving them out and I felt sad, but what was more was that I knew that I was quickly interrupting this much needed time to myself.

If you’re a parent then you’ve felt this guilt as well, I’m sure. It sucks.

Our friend Kyle joined me a half hour later and he said something that changed everything in that single moment: if you don’t take the time to make yourself a priority from time to time then you’re never going to be the mother that you want to be for them.

Mind blown!

I have yet to meet a parent that doesn’t want to be a good parent. But even those of you who aren’t parents also want to be good at your jobs, good to your fur babies, and good partners in your relationships.

I know you might be thinking, "if I only had the time to take care of myself!"  I had this thought myself many times but the reality is, is that it's entirely possible to be good at your job, take care of your family, and rid yourself of the guilt of having fun. 

The secret lies is making yourself a priority.

Self care and what it's not

First and foremost let’s talk about what selfcare is NOT. If you have ever struggled with feelings of guilt (maternal, Catholic, or otherwise), selfishness, or like you're letting someone down, let us put this rest now. 

Self care is an essential part of your wellbeing and overall health. Without these moments to recharge and reset you are missing out on crucial moments to destress.

I love what this article says about self care: “...[self care] is not something that you do when you have a moment. Nor is it a reward only gained once other tasks have been completed.”

Self care is not selfish.

In a recent conversation with fellow mom and friend, Mama T, we discussed this very topic. Her example came from having gone to get her nails done. She had an appointment on her husband’s day off. Leaving her family behind, on her husband's day off no less, made her feel as though this moment of pampering was something she shouldn’t be doing. As we processed our feelings around her guilt, she came to a conclusion that has never left me since she said it. “We need these moments [of self care] not just to survive but to THRIVE.”

Wise words from Mama T and ones that now grant you permission, if you feel you need it, to release yourself from the negative associations you may place on yourself for practicing self care. 

So how do you start making yourself a priority now that you have a better understanding of what self care is not and you have released yourself from the burden of guilt.

​I get it, it’s going to take a minute but let’s be present for just this moment.

4 Ways to Start Prioritizing Yourself

Priority 1 - Reconnect with everything you love to do
While self care for some may include dishes and laundry you cannot dismiss the activities that bring you personal joy. The things that make you smile, light up your soul, and connect you to a community of like minded individuals.

This is as simple as taking pen to paper and writing it all down. Everything and anything from listening to music, to gardening, to crocheting, to at home spa nights.

Writing this down will allow you to see the things that bring you joy and happiness that you’ve been missing and give you a starting point for creating a self care practice that's realistic for you.

Priority 2 - Less is more in the beginning
Start simply. With anything, too many drastic changes can leave you overwhelmed and have you stopping as quickly as you started.  

First, choose the top three things that you can easily implement. Secondly, find time everyday to work one or all of these into your day. 

Adding guitar lessons for examples may be a bit of a stretch if you are seeking out someone to teach you and need to work around their schedule. On the flip side guitar lessons could be a great way to slowly prioritize yourself if the timing works out. You now have built into your schedule a block of time dedicated to something that you enjoy doing. It all comes down being able to maintain the consistency. If you find yourself putting it off or abandoning it then you need to find something else that brings you joy and rejuvenates you.

Until it is a habit you’ll need to work self care into your schedule. The time of day, from day to day doesn’t matter as long as you can set aside some time for yourself daily. Remember that selfcare isn’t something that you do when you have time, you need to make time. 

Priority 3 - Communicate your needs
As a working mom, wife, friend, daughter, and sister I have a lot of commitments. In order for me to be the best version of myself in these differing roles, I have come to recognize that asking for help and letting my family know that I need time has been an essential part of prioritizing myself. 

I babysit my nieces one day a week. On this day I juggle picking them up, school drop off for my own children, work, chores, and any other tasks that I may have scheduled for the day. On one of these particular days I scheduled a hair appointment. Instead of canceling for fear it may upset everyone’s schedule, I simply said, “I'm getting a haircut at 12:45.” My sister took her children lunch for lunch, my husband fed our youngest lunch, and I got a much needed and desired haircut.

If you do not make yourself a priority, on one else will. 

You have to be open and honest about your needs because people cannot read your mind. To simply expect that people will understand is unfair and unrealistic. Being open about your self care needs communicates that the things that matter to you are, in fact, important and that they have value in your life. 

Rescheduling, apologizing, and/or asking for permission when practicing self care only communicates that your needs aren’t as valuable to you as you think they are and that others' needs take priority. And guess what, others will begin to believe this about you and they will take priority over you, if you allow them too.

Priority 4 - Say no more
Okay, maybe “no” seems really harsh but it is essential to your self care process. 

Saying yes to everything to please those around you, or to feel like you are valued in some way adds more to your plate in the long run and can create unwanted stress and rapid burnout.

Saying no to the things that do not serve you communicates that you are in tune with your needs and where your limitations are. It allows you more time to not only get important things done but to include that much needed self care.

By saying no, more, you also provide yourself opportunity to say yes. Let me explain a bit. 

As a recovering people pleaser I was always so desperate to be asked because it made me feel included. I would happily agree to everything knowing how much stress it would cause me but I was hell bent on getting it done because this would provide the validation I needed. I realized over time that my value, commitment, and inclusion were not dependent on others. In fact, when I finally realized that what they thought matter so little I was finally able to also see that I was the ONLY one being asked. No one else was even considered because everyone knew I would do it. In doing this I wasn't a priority but neither were my close relationships or activities I enjoyed. Everything fell to the wayside but at least I was included.

Once I started saying no, I became a priority. My needs were met but what's more when I was asked again to do something I could confidently choose to say yes because I knew I could get it done well without sacrificing my happiness.  

Saying no also saves you the headache from having to explain why you missed a deadline, why something was half-assed, why you need more time, and a possible meltdown.

Live prioritized

With the amount of stress that we deal with on a day to day basis from work, home, and personal relationships, it's not unusual to see that self care practice is on the rise. 

Everyone needs the opportunity to unwind, relax, destress, and feel connected. Over this last year and a half of living in a pandemic, juggling remote (or hybrid) learning with work, and having little to no physical place to escape, be it the gym, a spa, or even a restaurant more and more people are feeling the toll of isolation and lack of self care.

This medically reviewed article explores what a self care routine can do for your long term health and how beneficial it is to have one.

And I have to stress one more time that until it’s a habit you have to schedule yourself as a priority. Remember that self care and prioritizing your needs isn’t just about getting chores done and grocery shopping. It’s reconnecting to what fuels you, drives you, and inspires you. 

It’s taking that positive and renewed energy and putting it back into the world. 

I took Kyle and Mama T’s advice and I enjoyed every moment of our weekend getaway. I came back to my children refreshed, patient, and renewed. They immediately get a better version of their mother. Doing this has taught them to ask for space and take a break, and more importantly understand when I need one. Everyone deserves that opportunity.

Here few questions to get you going on your path to self care.

What drives you?
What inspires you?
What do you love to do?
Where can you say no more?


Looking for ideas on what might spark joy in your life? Check out this free self care BINGO chart I created. Here are 16 activities you can try on your self care journey!

Have fun!

Self care is one of the big things that we focus on here at Chat Lives Well which is why I wanted share that with my clients we focus on planning and prioritizing a self and health care improvement plan. It is something that I offer inside of my program Live Healthy. 

Typically this is done with a introductory call to see where you are in your health journey and where you'd like to go, followed by 30 days of implementation and support. So you won't just sign up for a program and then be left to figure things out on your own.

We'll discuss what areas of your health you are looking to target.
We'll setup a nutrition plan that helps you manage your weight.
We'll plan the mindset needed so you feel more fit.
We'll detail the right kind of exercise so you have more energy.
We'll get those systems in place so you can plan and prioritize your health for the long term.

What sets this program apart from others is the holistic approach taken to connect the mind, body, and skin. Healthy living is so much more than weight loss. For true weight loss to be sustained long term you also need to have your mindset and activity in place to be able to support the healthy lifestyle you desire and are ready for.

This isn't just another strategy to managing your weight, feeling fit, and having more energy, it's the opportunity to implement these strategies and learn how these apply to YOUR health and wellbeing.

If you're interest in learning more then please visit the Live Healthy program here.

​Until then,